Sunday 4/20/08 - Moving On

Well another hurdle is complete. A week ago tomorrow, my hair started to come out. Although I knew this would happen, this has been a struggle for me. As I was washing my hair, I noticed "tons" in my hands. The only thought I could muster was...well crap! The rest of the day was a bit of a bummer, emotionally. Tuesday came and the same thing happened. Pretty much the same thought but as I was getting ready for work, I stood looking at my hair in the mirror, looked at the sink full of hair, back to the mirror, and though...it's just hair. At that moment, I think I came to grips to work past this situation. You see, cancer physically strips you of your identity through the various side effects (nausa, aches, hair loss, mental draining, etc). My whole goal is to face each obstical head on, as I try to do in everyday life. Running away is not something I know how to do. Tuesday was a good day for me. Wednesday was a prep day, of sorts. My friend Debbie was able to make an appointment at her hair salon for a lady to cut/style my wig. She did a great job too! I will admit, when the fitting was over, emotionally it was tough to see me with a wig on. Yes tears were evident but short lived. After showing my mom and two ladies she works with, hearing their reassurance made me feel better. My next stop was work. I thought about going home, but felt biting the bullet was what needed to be done. Luckily my coworkers felt it looked okay as well. Whew. Of course I had them all swear they'd tell me if the stupid thing is ever crooked. On Thursday/Friday, I had every intention of wearing the wig but decided to wash/dry/somewhat style my own hair, just one last time. Fortunatly all went well. I did notice considerable thinning right above my forehead which solidifed my decision to get a buzz cut. Saturday was my day. After a week of assiting with the Fortune 500 issue, a nice dinner with the customer, it was time to take care of business. I'm not one to ask for anything but having JD there was very reasssuring. It allowed me to humor my way through a tough time. Thank you for being there for me. I had surfed the internet for women's buzz cuts....you'd be amazed what showed up! I only found one picture for reference. As I was getting buzzed, I thought I would be emotionally weak. I wasn't. That just reassured me it was the right move. It actually doesn't look that bad either. So now, I'm ready to move forward with the wig. I have my hats and scarfs as well. Now all I have to focus on are the treatments. I found out I will be getting another shot to boost my white blood cells. Seems like the routine will be chemo on Tuesdays with the shot on Wednesdays. Whatever it takes. This adventure has taught me a lot so far. The biggest lesson came from my surgeon. Prior to the biopsy, on 3/6/08, he made a statement that has had a profound effect on me. Instead of hoping/wishing for anything, just take what you're dealt with and deal with it. It would be easy for me to stay home everyday due to aches/pains/not feeling well. But that's not me. Through the meaningful words of my surgeon and shear praying for strength and guidance, I've learned to deal with what today brings. Tomorrow is no guarantee. Living life as normal as possible is the ultimate goal. So next week brings chemo#3. I'm anxious to get started so I can say in the next blog, five more to go. Woo Hoo! I hope everyone has a great week. I know I will.