Remission

Today, seven months almost to the day of being diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, I'm in remission! It just doesn't seem real. This whole ride has been quite amazing. Doc said my PET/CT scans show everything is back to normal. Including the egg size mass in my chest. Gone. Can you believe that?! I thought when I heard the "all clear" that I'd just emotionally collapse but I haven't. I've had to stay so strong through tests, treatments, and pain that I'm not sure how to deal with such wonderful news. How do you let go after everything that's happened? I mean, yes, I did tear up in the office, hugging Ric, feeling like we've just won a marathon but I really expected more out of myself. I can't help wonder if holding all of the emotions in during the most trying time of my life has now prevented me from releasing emotional energy. I had a hard time sleeping last night. Got up about 3am and blindly surfed the internet. I wasn't really looking for anything specific. As I was getting ready this morning, I didn't pay much attention to the colors I picked. It dawned on me later that I picked a purple shirt. Just so happens purple is the color for Hodgkins. Coincidence? Maybe. What might be a coincidence to some is a spiritual message to others. I had my normal chat with "The Man" asking for the strength to deal with whatever the test results revealed. One might have asked to hear "no more cancer" instead. There's a reason I've been lead down this path. If I was to ask to be cured before I set out on this journey, what lesson do you learn? Of course I wanted to be cured and definitely not deal with this whole situation but something told me I would have to work for this. I've learned a lot during this journey. Not only about myself but about others as well. I know this is just the beginning. Cancer was brought into my life to give me a jump start to something. Nothing like a kick in the ass to get your going huh! God works in mysterious ways. Needless to say, my life will never be the same. I just hope I don't let him down. My next checkup is Feb 09. Since both my scans came back "all clear" in June and last week, I won't have any further tests until next June/July. Monday I'll visit my surgeon to discuss removing the port. I'll be very happy to have that removed. I want to thank everyone, again, for your overwhelming support, care, and concern. I hope my blog has helped you deal with something in your life as much as it's helped me deal with Cancer. It's been an amazing experience and I couldn't have made it without each and every one of you.

Almost There

Tomorrow I go for my 3 month PET/CT scans. The results will be given Monday. To say I'm a little anxious is a huge understatement. The main thought in my head is the saying, If God brought it to you, he'll bring you through it. I definitely have all my eggs in that basket. I feel pretty good. Been tired lately. Had my first follow up with the Radiation doc last week. It went pretty good. He told me not to be surprised if my scans reveal a "false positive" which is due to just completing treatment. I'm really glad he told me that. I can't imagine the melt down I would have had to hear that as a test result with no prior warning. I was a little disappointed that could happen but at least I know. We also discussed how the docs tell what a "false positive" is, etc. Work is going well. I still have moments of idle time that I'm not use to. I also feel there's a bigger plan for me but I'm not sure what or where that will be. Things just aren't the same anymore. One thing I do notice is how beautiful each day is and how blessed I am to enjoy it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God. Both of my girls are trying out for basketball. This will be Shelby's first year and Paige's second. I'm really excited for both of them and can't wait to see both on the court playing. What a rush that will be. I tend to get a little excited when my kids play sports. Not much else going on right now. More news on Monday.