Tuesday 4/22/08 - Chemo#3 Complete

What a great day! Blood work came back good. WBC's are up, way up, from last visit so the shot is working. Iron pills are kicking in to hold RBC's in place. Chemo juice went well too. Feeling really good today. Getting my hair buzzed over the weekend has made all the difference. One less thing to worry about. I watched Good Morning America today and saw Robyn Roberts without her wig. What a beautiful woman and more power to her. I was chearing from the couch! My hair is about that short. Seeing her on national tv was very encouraging. What a great example for all cancer patients. I have to share an experience from today's Chemo. Ric is sick so not able to go in with me today. He played cab driver and was not there to keep me quite. Each time I go in, there are a few others who are on the same schedule as I. One imparticular is a man, not elderly, but a little older, who seems to find the negative side of treatment each week and share with me. Well, I really don't want to hear about the negative side. I know what they are. I've tried to be pleasant but today we had to chat. Don't worry, I was nice (really I was). But I can't just sit by idle while he stirs everyone up within ear shot. He asked me how many treatments I've had, which this was the third. I asked him the same. He replies 12 total with today being #7. I reply that's great. You're half way done. He looked at me like I was nuts! His reply was "Great!" then made some goofy noise. I looked at him and said listen...it could be worse. You could NOT be receiving treatment. At least you're being treated. Where's the faith! Where's your will to get better?! Well needless to say that conversation ended. We did talk later but not about that. I'm telling you. Cancer Rebel here........you sit on my row and you will have hope....you will have faith......and we will kick Cancer's Ass! Nothing less is acceptable. Maybe I can help turn him around. I was very fortunate to also sit next to some good friends. Kay and Joel were there for Joel's last chemo while having 3 more rad's to completion. Great job Joel! Hang in there. Kay and Joel were here when Ric and I joined the unit. Kay was one of the wives who "groomed" me to be a Lady Nightstalker. Awesome lady! Please keep them in your prayers as he completes and heals from his treatments. We definitely will have a hell of party when this is over. Well my friends and family, not much else to report this time. 5 more treatments! Woo Hoo. Almost half way. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. It's all working. Have a great week!

Sunday 4/20/08 - Moving On

Well another hurdle is complete. A week ago tomorrow, my hair started to come out. Although I knew this would happen, this has been a struggle for me. As I was washing my hair, I noticed "tons" in my hands. The only thought I could muster was...well crap! The rest of the day was a bit of a bummer, emotionally. Tuesday came and the same thing happened. Pretty much the same thought but as I was getting ready for work, I stood looking at my hair in the mirror, looked at the sink full of hair, back to the mirror, and though...it's just hair. At that moment, I think I came to grips to work past this situation. You see, cancer physically strips you of your identity through the various side effects (nausa, aches, hair loss, mental draining, etc). My whole goal is to face each obstical head on, as I try to do in everyday life. Running away is not something I know how to do. Tuesday was a good day for me. Wednesday was a prep day, of sorts. My friend Debbie was able to make an appointment at her hair salon for a lady to cut/style my wig. She did a great job too! I will admit, when the fitting was over, emotionally it was tough to see me with a wig on. Yes tears were evident but short lived. After showing my mom and two ladies she works with, hearing their reassurance made me feel better. My next stop was work. I thought about going home, but felt biting the bullet was what needed to be done. Luckily my coworkers felt it looked okay as well. Whew. Of course I had them all swear they'd tell me if the stupid thing is ever crooked. On Thursday/Friday, I had every intention of wearing the wig but decided to wash/dry/somewhat style my own hair, just one last time. Fortunatly all went well. I did notice considerable thinning right above my forehead which solidifed my decision to get a buzz cut. Saturday was my day. After a week of assiting with the Fortune 500 issue, a nice dinner with the customer, it was time to take care of business. I'm not one to ask for anything but having JD there was very reasssuring. It allowed me to humor my way through a tough time. Thank you for being there for me. I had surfed the internet for women's buzz cuts....you'd be amazed what showed up! I only found one picture for reference. As I was getting buzzed, I thought I would be emotionally weak. I wasn't. That just reassured me it was the right move. It actually doesn't look that bad either. So now, I'm ready to move forward with the wig. I have my hats and scarfs as well. Now all I have to focus on are the treatments. I found out I will be getting another shot to boost my white blood cells. Seems like the routine will be chemo on Tuesdays with the shot on Wednesdays. Whatever it takes. This adventure has taught me a lot so far. The biggest lesson came from my surgeon. Prior to the biopsy, on 3/6/08, he made a statement that has had a profound effect on me. Instead of hoping/wishing for anything, just take what you're dealt with and deal with it. It would be easy for me to stay home everyday due to aches/pains/not feeling well. But that's not me. Through the meaningful words of my surgeon and shear praying for strength and guidance, I've learned to deal with what today brings. Tomorrow is no guarantee. Living life as normal as possible is the ultimate goal. So next week brings chemo#3. I'm anxious to get started so I can say in the next blog, five more to go. Woo Hoo! I hope everyone has a great week. I know I will.

Tuesday 4/8/08 - Chemo#2 Complete

Much better session this time. Helps to know what to expect, although I've come to not expect anything so not to get disappointed. That applied to today, somewhat. After the routine blood work was done, the Chemo nurse commented my wbc was low that she would have to consult the doc to see if I could receive treatment or wait a week for the wbc to rebound. That's the joy of receiving chemo. The drugs are so powerful, they kill both good and bad cells. My hope is someday the docs will discover how to only kill the bad cells. Anyway, doc let me receive treatment but I have to get a shot tomorrow that will help boost the wbc's. Apparently my bone marrow is sensitive, which is good and bad. Good because the drugs are working and bad because the good cells don't have a chance. They're gonna get whacked too. However, I have a plan!! Got a juicer and lots of fruits and veggies along with various recipes. Our concoctions will deliver high vitamin drinks to focus on giving back to my system....and Ric's. He'll get healthy too. Also continuing to eat awful tasting high iron foods (liver, turnip greens,etc.). Yuck...but I eat it because I know it's good for me. Went to lunch with my friend Monica yesterday. I've decided Monday prior to treament days will be "high iron" lunch day. Unfortunalty the place we went only had turnip greens. Even with ham pieces they were terrible, but I ate them. I actually convinced Monica to try them. The look on her face agreed with me that they were not very tasty. You have to laugh though. Like I've said, this will be an adventure. The focus between now and the next treatment is to stay germ free. Good hand washing, stay away from others with cooties, etc. Can't get sick. Doc said to watch for a temperature. If it was to reach 100.4, a 2-3 day vacation stay at the local hospital could occur to reboost my immune system. The shot I get tomorrow is to help avoid that. So I guess more fun is in store. I always did like a challenge. This past Saturday, Ric and I went wig shopping. It gives "a humbling experience" a whole new meaning. Needless to say I didn't fare well but did come home and order two from the same catalog as I did my scarfs and hats. Hopefully they work out. Also bought some hair products called Nixion, which is for thinning and medical breakage. This won't stop my hair from falling out or thinning but should slow it down. I've read a lot of other blogs where others receiving the same chemo drugs as I, only had their hair thin. That's my goal. I'm willing my hair to NOT fall out. Very hard thing for me to deal with. Before I close out this entry, I'd like to say thank you to everyone for keeping me in your prayers. I feel your support. I appreciate the cards and gifts too! Lots of love out there which helped me succeed today and will carry me though each tomorrow. You all are awesome! Growing up an only child has made me very self-sufficient which as always worked for me. In this case, I feel truly blessed to have all of you in my corner. My family has grown to a size unmeasurable. I've changed my (cell) ring tone to the James Brown song "I feel good" because I do. It feels good to be loved and supported. Thank you all for being there for me.