I see me

Well, the wig is gone. My hair has finally grown to a length that I figure out something to do with it. Luckily a very small curling iron, 1/8" and 1/2" barrels, are able to be used. I have to admit my stock in hair products is rising as well. It's a different look but it's me. I finally see me in the mirror. You just don't know how happy that makes me feel. I still have some lingering side effects from treatments. Fighting off a head cold that is trying to settle in my chest. I was suppose to have my port removed tomorrow but will post-pone until January. I'm not to comfortable having any type of surgery while being somewhat sick. All in all things are going great. I have absolutely no complaints. And when they creep up, I only have to think back over the last 8 months. Thanksgiving was great. We went to Dallas to see both sides of the family. Short trip but everyone was together that I haven't seen since early in my treatments. Looking forward to Christmas. The holidays just intensify how thankful I am for what I have. Good friends and the best family. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season.

Remission

Today, seven months almost to the day of being diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, I'm in remission! It just doesn't seem real. This whole ride has been quite amazing. Doc said my PET/CT scans show everything is back to normal. Including the egg size mass in my chest. Gone. Can you believe that?! I thought when I heard the "all clear" that I'd just emotionally collapse but I haven't. I've had to stay so strong through tests, treatments, and pain that I'm not sure how to deal with such wonderful news. How do you let go after everything that's happened? I mean, yes, I did tear up in the office, hugging Ric, feeling like we've just won a marathon but I really expected more out of myself. I can't help wonder if holding all of the emotions in during the most trying time of my life has now prevented me from releasing emotional energy. I had a hard time sleeping last night. Got up about 3am and blindly surfed the internet. I wasn't really looking for anything specific. As I was getting ready this morning, I didn't pay much attention to the colors I picked. It dawned on me later that I picked a purple shirt. Just so happens purple is the color for Hodgkins. Coincidence? Maybe. What might be a coincidence to some is a spiritual message to others. I had my normal chat with "The Man" asking for the strength to deal with whatever the test results revealed. One might have asked to hear "no more cancer" instead. There's a reason I've been lead down this path. If I was to ask to be cured before I set out on this journey, what lesson do you learn? Of course I wanted to be cured and definitely not deal with this whole situation but something told me I would have to work for this. I've learned a lot during this journey. Not only about myself but about others as well. I know this is just the beginning. Cancer was brought into my life to give me a jump start to something. Nothing like a kick in the ass to get your going huh! God works in mysterious ways. Needless to say, my life will never be the same. I just hope I don't let him down. My next checkup is Feb 09. Since both my scans came back "all clear" in June and last week, I won't have any further tests until next June/July. Monday I'll visit my surgeon to discuss removing the port. I'll be very happy to have that removed. I want to thank everyone, again, for your overwhelming support, care, and concern. I hope my blog has helped you deal with something in your life as much as it's helped me deal with Cancer. It's been an amazing experience and I couldn't have made it without each and every one of you.

Almost There

Tomorrow I go for my 3 month PET/CT scans. The results will be given Monday. To say I'm a little anxious is a huge understatement. The main thought in my head is the saying, If God brought it to you, he'll bring you through it. I definitely have all my eggs in that basket. I feel pretty good. Been tired lately. Had my first follow up with the Radiation doc last week. It went pretty good. He told me not to be surprised if my scans reveal a "false positive" which is due to just completing treatment. I'm really glad he told me that. I can't imagine the melt down I would have had to hear that as a test result with no prior warning. I was a little disappointed that could happen but at least I know. We also discussed how the docs tell what a "false positive" is, etc. Work is going well. I still have moments of idle time that I'm not use to. I also feel there's a bigger plan for me but I'm not sure what or where that will be. Things just aren't the same anymore. One thing I do notice is how beautiful each day is and how blessed I am to enjoy it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God. Both of my girls are trying out for basketball. This will be Shelby's first year and Paige's second. I'm really excited for both of them and can't wait to see both on the court playing. What a rush that will be. I tend to get a little excited when my kids play sports. Not much else going on right now. More news on Monday.

Happy Labor Day

Well, two weeks post radiation and two months post chemo. Amazing how time flies. I've been back at work for 1-1/2 weeks and I must say normal is taking a new meaning. I'm so use to going 100 mph that my now 5 mph is somewhat difficult to manage. Change is definitely in the works for me. As for the side effects to all of my treatments, I'm still dealing with some. Joint pain in the hips which causes my back to become sore quickly, usually after walking. Also experiencing some chest sensations that I think is from either acid reflux or heartburn, although it doesn't feel like the typical symptoms. I'll probably call the doc on this one. Started taking Claritin for itching which, along with lots of lotion, seems to be working. Other than that, things are going great. My hair and eyebrows are growing back quite nicely. Yeah! I've got several doc visits this month but just routine. The big day is 10/13. I'll find out the results of both a CT and PET scan, which will be 10/8. I expect good results. Hope everyone is doing well.

I Made It!

WOO HOOOO!!!! Just completed my last radiation treatment. What an unbelievable journey these last five months have been. I can't begin to put into words how I feel. As the zapping was done and they unbolted me from the table, I couldn't help but yell out WOOO HOOO!!!!!! They heard me all the way up front but I didn't care. What a ride. I've learned so much these last five months. It's amazing how such a dark experience can bring so much good to a person's life. The continuous support by family, friends, coworkers, and customers was a blessing. I never felt alone. There were many nights, lying in bed, that I would just silently cry. Being the wife of a Special Operations Soldier teaches you to be strong and resilient to almost anything, but this was a true test of will. I was adamant to beat this no matter how bad it got. At times I wasn't sure about this journey but I have to admit, my faith in God brought me through. I honestly believe attitude and mind set are two key factors to conquer anything. As I said back in March, I would dance with the devil. I did and I won. If you want to compete with me, you'd better bring your "A Game" 'cause I don't play. As my grandmother use to say "I ain't studding you." I've been told my blog has helped others. I'm very thankful for that. Having Cancer has allowed me some memorable experiences. I was able to spend the summer with my oldest daughter and a few weeks with my youngest. Times I will treasure dearly. The most difficult part of this journey was the day I had to tell my girls. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, as faith would have it, they're both home today, although sick, but with me on my last day of treatment. A blessing in disguise. And my husband.....a strong man who stood by me everyday angered he couldn't do anything about this. The one thing he did do was make me laugh. That too was a blessing. So as I continue to travel down this new path of mine, there will be changes. My priorities have definitely been rearranged. If there's one thing I've learned from this it's don't take anything for granted. As George Carlin once stated "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." So my message to all of you is simply this. No matter how bad your situation is, remember someone else is dealing with something much worse. It will be okay. One way or another. The next step for me is returning to work, which I plan to do Thursday. It will be a gradual return, taking one day at a time. I'm excited to get back to my life, knowing "normal" will have a new definition. My three month checkup is Oct 13th, which will deliver CT/PET scan results. This will show how all the treatments have fared with the cancer cells. I have all the faith in the world the results will be outstanding. Thank you to everyone for standing by me. Your prayers and support continue to amaze me. I'm very thankful for all of you.

Today was a Good Day

Just five more treatments to go! Yeah! Still dealing with a sore throat and eating soft foods. It's tolerable though. Today was a really uplifting day. Not just because another treatment is complete but because I had the chance to talk with another radiation patient. She was just amazing. I had already completed my zapping for the day and was waiting to see the doc. Tuesday's are doctor day. Just a check up on how things are going. Anyway, as I'm waiting, this lady comes through, just finished with her zapping, and proceeds to ask me how I am but in a genuinely, caring way. I was so touched by her sincerity. Most times when I see other patients, we just smile and say hi. Nobody really wants to discuss their cancer. But this lady....she was different. She took the time to sit down and just talk. I found out she's just starting her radiation treatments, which go until mid-September, then moves to chemo. I told her I had already done chemo which she replied "I can tell." Well duh Annie! What was her first clue? Not much hair? No eyebrows? Pale skin? Geez! When you're in a room full of other cancer patients, you tend to blend in. I forgot what I looked like. It was funny though. When she told me how long her radiation treatments were, I told her that was great! Not much longer. Based on the look she gave, it's longer to her. But, I told her, it's better than the alternative. She agreed and said we're in "The Club" now. Yes, I said. We are. The survivors club.

10 Down 7 to Go

Over half way with radiation...yeah! I'm now a member of the sore throat club. Eating soft foods in very small bites. As the nurse said, I've got a sun burn on the inside. If you tilt your
head back and press where the adams apple would be, that's the location of the soreness. In the mornings it doesn't hurt much at all but as soon as I eat or drink, game on. They gave me some
"magic mouthwash" which taste absolutely awful. It's suppose to numb my throat so I can eat without so much pain. I have a choice of taking 1 or 2 tbls, so I chose the smaller amount. The only thing that got numb was my tongue. That was different! I guess I'll have to try 2 tbls to see if it effects my throat. I can only imagine how my tongue will feel. I also found out I have to wait six weeks before any tests are run which means the CT/PET scans scheduled 9/24 will move out a week. Fine with me. I don't want inaccurate test readings. Overall I feel okay. I'm very excited this is almost over.

1st Week of Radiation Complete

Five down 12 to go. Overall not a bad week although I am starting to feel somewhat of a sore throat. It actually feels like the start of a sore throat and only on the left side, which is the side that did not have an enlarged lymph node. Strange. Also have slight color on my neck but not to the point of a burn. I got really tired this week too. Very strange how the fatigue set in. It's a feeling of pure exhaustion. No energy to speak of. I didn't have that during chemo, although I was tired. It was a different tired. Appetite is decreasing but I'm okay with that due to some weight gain during chemo. I think my hair has stopped falling out and is actually starting to thicken up. I know it will take several months but as long as it's growing, I'm good with it. Eyebrows are a bit slow. Figures the one thing I really do want to hurry up and grow doesn't. Oh well. Patience, patience, patience.

Good News Again

Had another lung test today. The results are fantastic! My lower lobe performance went from 60% to 90%. This is better than the first test done prior to chemo. The radiation doc says it's due to the chest mass shrinking. That's a lot of shrinkage. I couldn't physically tell a difference but I'll take the improvement. The second rad treatment today went well. Much better than yesterday. Prior to arriving I stopped at my favorite coffee house (Starbucks) to just chill. Good coffee and a book. It was nice to sit there for a short while. I'm sure I'll be doing that more often throughout the treatments. I was surfing other Hodgkin blogs and ran across this picture of a man getting radiation. This will give you all an idea of what I do every day. The mesh mask is very snug. The machine does rotate around in order to zap one on the top and once from underneath. Met with the doc today too. Not much to discuss. So, two down and 15 more to go.
Hope everyone has a great week.

First Radiation Complete

Well, the hard part is over. First radiation treatment is done. I really don't have the right words to describe how it felt other than it was different. Kind of like an extended x-ray. When I got there, I didn't have to wait but maybe five minutes. After I changed into a gown and was led into the zapping room, they had me lay down on a table. I have a mesh mask that's molded to my face. Once it's put on me it gets bolted to the table. This is to keep me in place so I don't move. Trust me, when the zapping begins, you don't want to move. Today's visit included some real x-rays to confirm where to put the tattoos. They outlined the radiation area first then added the tats. Not the pin dots I've read about. With a blue sharpie, my chest became a connect the dots activity. Luckily I can wash most of it off. I had radiation both on the front and back. It only took about 30 - 45 seconds top. Very fast. The mesh mask makes it hard to keep my eyes open so most of the time they were closed. I couldn't really tell what was going on anyway. I must have done something right. They kept telling me I was doing a good job. Funny, I've never heard that for doing nothing. It got amusing after a while. Radiation is no where close to receiving chemo. Like I said, it was very different. I have to admit I was scared. I don't like not knowing what to expect. When it was time to actually radiate, I tried to recite the Lords Prayer......except I forgot the words. Never in my life has that happened. He knows what I was trying to say, though. Tomorrow I have a PFT (lung) test just as a follow up. Should pass with flying colors. I also will meet with the radiation doc for my weekly check-up. Other than that, only 16 more to go. I'm very happy to have finally started the last leg of this. I'm looking forward to this being over and getting back to a "normal" life. We all know normal now has a new meaning.

An update and some music

As I was surfing other blogs, reading about other's experiences, I noticed some had a music list. So, being the curious person that I am, I've done the same. I've added a mixture of songs just for the heck of it. Actually, I did it to see if I could. Anyway, hope you all enjoy the music. This past Tuesday marked a small mile stone for me. It would have been a chemo day. Wednesday would have been shot day. Woo Hoo neither occurred. I did have some body aches but they're slowly subsiding. I'm starting to sleep without any drugs. I'm very happy about that. There's only so much on the t.v. to watch. Now if my eyebrows would start to grow back, I'd be a very happy camper. My hair is not falling out near as much. Just a little. It's actually about 1-1/2" long but thinned out considerably. I've got to call the hair salon to see if a haircut would stimulate growth, by getting rid of damaged hair. Ric, my husband, called me a chia pet the other night. Can't repeat my response but we did laugh. One more week and the radiation starts. Hopefully the days go by fast.

Let the Radiation Begin!

Saw the doc today. 17 treatments starting 7/28 and ending 8/19. There is an end to this game!
Can't start any sooner due to needing 3-4 weeks to make sure the chemo is through my system. Otherwise, my skid would be as red as a fire hydrant. The visit today was really good. Doc was very patient with my questions and gave detailed answers. I feel good about the treatments and believe it's the right thing to do. Each treatment is about 15 mins long. They actually schedule patients 15 mins apart. Can anyone say moooooo! Just kidding. The folks at the radiation place are very nice and supportive. Due to my last PET scan being negative before finishing chemo, it has allowed the radiation dose to be lower. This is really good. It reduces the risk of late secondary cancers, although doesn't omit the chance. As we all know, there are no absolutes in life, especially when treating cancer. But, my chances are reduced which is comforting. Side effects from radiation will be dry skin to effected areas which lotion should take care of, a lump in my throat which is due to dryness, and fatigue. That has become such an ugly word. Today the did a CT scan to show the radiated areas in 3D. These images will be "dumped" into a software planning system to help pinpoint the specific spots to radiate. They put "markers" on me today which are used to line me up on the first visit. I have one right above the trachea, two down the breast bone area, and one on each side of my rib cage. They'll radiate from the diaphragm up to where the wind pipes split, behind the breast bone, right arm pit, and both sides of my neck. My thyroid will be protected so the chances of having problems with that later on is lower too. The neck radiation is from the top of the adams apple about an inch or so towards each ear and down just past the collar bone. The rads will encompass a small portion of the right side of my heart and part of my right lung. Again, doc says due to the low dose, both run a lower risk of any future problems. Late side effects include the possibility of shingles (adult chicken pox) and something called Lhermittes syndrome. The latter is due to being radiated to the neck. It's basically an electric shock feeling down the legs when you tuck your chin to your chest. When I asked the doc what I could do to prevent it, he said don't tuck your chin. Well duh! So all in all, and like I've said before, this could be much worse. I'm hoping the side effects will be limited as the doc says but we all know each of us react differently. We'll see. All I know is I'd start tomorrow if I could. It's time to complete this journey and get on with my life. A much improved life it will be, but none the less, it's time to move on. Since radiation is every day (M-F), I'll be able to add more to the postings. Hope everyone is enjoying there summer. Mine is getting better each day.

It's Halftime

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done! Today was the last chemo. Met with the doc and gave her my list of side effects. The newest item added was kidney pain. Without any prompting from me, the doc stated today would be my last treatment. The toxins from the chemo out weigh any positive impact from two extra treatments. She also stated the percentage of longevity was NOT great enough to risk toxic side effects from the two extra treatments. I was so glad to hear that. It's exactly how I felt two weeks ago. The only way to describe how I feel is this....in the movies we see people who are drowning in a lake/river. When they come up for air that huge gasp they take.....that's how I felt today. A ton has been lifted off my shoulders. The biggest asset through this whole situation has been praying. I waited about 30 minutes for the doc. I just sat in the chair, eyes closed, and prayed. Although I did ask for this to be my last treatment, I also promised to follow whatever path was set before me. I left it in God's hands to show me the way.....and he did. Last night, Rob and Mary came by the house to say hi and deliver a very special gift. Timing was perfect. I was very bored and very anxious. The special gift is from the Barkers. Thank you Pam! A nice framed, scripted piece that says "Trust me. I have everything under control. Jesus." I must have read it 10 times. It's true though. Today was just an affirmation of how strong faith is. It was an amazing feeling to hear the docs words. That was the clearest sign I've had that I'm healed. Just a little more to do though. The first radiation visit is 7/16, unless someone cancels and I can take their spot. That visit is the consult. I was told I'd have to wait 3-4 weeks to start radiation in order to get the chemo out of my system. I'm leaning towards the three weeks. I'm ready to get started and ready to be done. No more tests until the end of September. At that time another CT and PET scan will be done. My 3 month checkup is 10/1, at which time I'll get the test results. That visit will be the first confirmation the chemo and radiation worked. I feel like they will. So this is my last round of chemo side effects. Whew. I'm so relieved and breathing easier. Thank you all for being in my corner. The cards, blog postings, support, and especially the prayers, have been wonderful. I couldn't have made it through this without you all. I have a break for a few weeks and will definitely relish in my blessings. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Test Results In - 6/17/08

Well, the PET scan shows no evidence of disease while the CT scan showed remarkable shrinkage on the masses. Woo Hoo! Prayers are answered. Now the curve ball.......doc suggested two additional treatments for "insurance" purposes. That wasn't taken so well, especially since I have two left on the original plan. Now possibly two more on top of that for
"just in case?!" I'm struggling with this. A lot of people will say the doc knows best and I don't necessarily disagree. However, when I asked for the pros/cons of the two add'l treatments, I didn't get an answer. Might be the language barrier due to my doc being Vietnamese, so I reworded the question. If the tests show now evidence of cancer and I have two treatments left, wouldn't that be enough? Do we really need to push the envelope by putting poison in my body two more times? I also got an answer of well we can stop as originally planned and go on to radiation. Also got the statement if I do two add'l treatments, the percentages are better. What I didn't get was the actual percentage number. I know you all are feeling my frustration with this so please bear with me while I try to rationalize this situation. Last night I went back and read every posting and comment thus far. What an emotional ride. In an effort to get back on track in dealing with the balance of treatments, I'm trying to focus on one day at a time. I sat in the church yesterday and asked God to heal me. This is a repeated prayer. I promised to follow the path he chooses based on the test results. The test results are clean. No evidence of disease. So what now? Especially when the doc presents it as an option. I'm not afraid to deal with the side effects but I am afraid of pushing the envelope by putting these drugs in my system more than what possibly be needed. My lungs have already suffered but can repair themselves. My heart, liver, kidneys are okay right now but are at a risk and can't repair themselves if something happens. Regardless if I do the extra treatments or not, there's no guarantee this won't come back. Am I making any sense? I go back tomorrow for my shot (wbc's). I'm hoping I can get some time with the doc to discuss this some more. If not then I'll ask for a consult with her prior to the next treatment. All I need is for her to stand her ground when making a decision. Just explain why. Are there other options? On the flip side of all of this, I am extremely grateful for the test results. Every one's support, care, concern, and prayers have been absolutely wonderful. I'm trying not to let the possibility of two more treatments over shadow my blessings. This is a tough decision for me. I will admit, this time, it really is all about me. I won't make a final decision until I know I can be a peace with it. As of now, my gut, my heart, and my head are saying no. I've prayed for strength and guidance since day one. I really need it now.

Waiting for Results

Completed the CT scan and PET scan. No results yet. Tuesday, 6/17, will be the big day. Treatment #7 and confirmation on the next step. Praying hard for good news. The chemo is wearing me down. Mentally, I feel strong but physically it's getting tough. Side effects are lasting longer. Sleeping helps so I'm doing more of that. Taking the pain meds but they don't always work. Laying down in a dark, cool room, listening to relaxation or healing music seems to help. All the years spent in Martial Arts have paid off. Though not physically defending myself, I am mentally. Was fortunate to have another Reiki treatment with Mary the other day. That's always a huge help. Thanks Mary! You're in my prayers as you travel and put closure to your situation. Via email, I signed up to receive a positive quote each day. The one below seems to really fit my situation. Pam...I know you'll enjoy this one.

Faith Is Knowing One of Two Things...
When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it is time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
Edward Teller

#6 done - how many to go?

6 treatments down, not sure how many are left. Met with the doc today. Lung test came back such that the bleo (B) of the ABVD drugs was removed due to the lower lung volume. The heart test came back fine. In a month, we'll do another lung test to see how much has healed. At that time we'll see if the bleo is added back in. She also stated the lymph node on my neck was gone to the touch, which is great. The one under my arm is the same way. That's great news. Friday I'll have a CT scan of my chest and stomach. The chest part is normal which is to see how the chemo and cancer have reacted to each other. The stomach test is a safety test to make sure nothings going on other than a chemo side effect. I've been having a burning feeling about a week after treatments that last several days. Always the same time frame lasting the about three days. Next Wednesday, I'll have a PET scan. Also a normal test to see how the cancer and chemo have reacted to each other. When I go back for treatment #7, June 17th, we'll see if I get a few more chemo's or go to radiation after the 8th treatment. The way I understand this is, the purpose of chemo is to kill the cancer cells and shrink the masses as much as possible. Radiation is basically clean up on the masses. I'll also have another PET scan after the last chemo, whenever that is, along with a several week break before radiation. Here's the really good news! Two weekends after my last chemo, I can have a margarita! Doc said it was okay as long as I didn't get drunk. So, JD.....it's on baby! Looking forward to a double. So my feelings today are back in check. I'm okay with some more chemo if that's what it takes to kill the cancer and hopefully help reduce the radiation experience. That part is worrying me a little with those possible side effects. One day at a time though. Doing good mentally. A little tired physically but nothing new. The next visit will be a big deal. At least we'll know more on the future. So until then, hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Thanks for your continued support and prayers.

Doing Better

Well, for those of you who have never just sat in an empty church, you should try it. A very healing experience. I feel much better than the last posting and feel like I'm back on the right path. Pam....you're an angel! Thank you for your very inspiring words and prayers. I feel like I have my second wind. No treatment today. I didn't notice the appointment date but it's tomorrow. No openings today. Good news too. That means I'm one day closer to the next treatment. Shelby, my youngest daughter, gave me a new bandanna. It has skulls and flames all over it. Think I might wear that tomorrow just to be different. If nothing else it will make me smile knowing I can push the envelope. Have a great day everyone!

Staying Home

Well......I've decided to take a leave of absence until treatments are over. It was a hard decision but I think the right one. The main reason is due to not knowing how I'll feel each day. Being unreliable is new for me and not something I'm enjoying. So to make it easier on everyone at work, I'm staying home. Plus, I know I need to just chill for a while and focus 100% on me. Not something I'm use to doing so not really sure how to do this. I don't typically put myself ahead of others, plus I get bored easy. I know what you're all saying....take care of you! I know...I know....and I am. I'm working to stay positive and not angry. Three more treatments for chemo. A PET scan afterwards to see what the next step is. More chemo, start radiation, or is that it? One day at a time is getting to be a big challenge. Patience is not one of my better traits so you can imagine how I'm feeling. Trying to race to the finish line while running in place.

When I found out I had cancer, I had a strong pull to go to church. Not the normally Sunday service either. I would go and just sit....and cry...and pray for strength and guidance. I didn't ask "why me" because I feel very selfish with that thought. But I do ask what's at the end of this journey? What's at the end of the path? There's a reason this is happening.....what is that reason? Now that I'm over half way with chemo, I have the same feeling as I did in the beginning. The pull to the church. One part of this journey is close to the end. Chemo. After the last chemo treatment (July 1), I'll have another PET Scan to see how the cancer cells reacted. I'm very eager to know how the first leg of this journey ends. Very impatient. So I'll go and pray for patience. As a very smart woman once told me, "God has your back." Faith is what I'm lacking and need to find. So for all of you who have me in your prayers, I ask that you pray to restore my faith and to give me strength. I still believe God is watching over me but I'm angry I have to deal with this and I'm really trying not to be selfish. So if you all will pray to keep me strong, I'll pray for forgiveness.

3 More to go

5th treatment complete....over the hump and on the down slide. I have to admit it's a bit more challenging for me now. Not only the physical side effects but mentally as well. I find myself just angry at the world. If anyone has input on the psychological aspects of anger and chemo, I'm all ears. I know how lucky I am to only be dealing with my type/stage of cancer but enough is enough. I know this journey has a purpose and I'm headed down the path to figure out why. And though I'm not suppose to wish for anything, I am ready for this to be over. I'm ready to be healed. If cancer was a person, hurt doesn't come close to what I'd do to them. Today doc said the node in my neck was practically undetectable. Same with the one under my arm. Great news! I've got another lung test tomorrow and echo cardiogram Thursday. Precautionary tests. Also got another drug for burning in tummy. Hopefully it works. Overall I'm doing fine. Over anxious but that's in my nature. Celebrated my birthday last week. Wasn't too bad of a day. Nice and sunny. Also watched my girls get inducted into the National Junior Honor Society for their middle school. I'm so proud of them for doing so well. I have awesome kids. Not much else to report. Thanks for your continued support and prayers. It keeps me going.

Tuesday 5/6/08 - Chemo#4 - Half way done!

Today took a bit longer than normal due to a later start. It's made me more tired than a morning session but overall feeling okay. A little irritable but not whacking anyone yet. Blood work came back good again this time. Whew! Met with the doc and found the node on my neck is even smaller. The one under my arm is NOT detectable which is good too. After my last scheduled chemo (7/1), we'll do another CT and PET Scan to see how the chemo and cancer cells reacted. That will determine if I get another round of chemo or go straight to Rad. Sounds like I'm doing Radiation no matter what. If I'm lucky I might be done with everything by the end of July. That will be nice. Not much else to post at this time. Thanks for the continued support. It's times like today where it really helps.