I see me

Well, the wig is gone. My hair has finally grown to a length that I figure out something to do with it. Luckily a very small curling iron, 1/8" and 1/2" barrels, are able to be used. I have to admit my stock in hair products is rising as well. It's a different look but it's me. I finally see me in the mirror. You just don't know how happy that makes me feel. I still have some lingering side effects from treatments. Fighting off a head cold that is trying to settle in my chest. I was suppose to have my port removed tomorrow but will post-pone until January. I'm not to comfortable having any type of surgery while being somewhat sick. All in all things are going great. I have absolutely no complaints. And when they creep up, I only have to think back over the last 8 months. Thanksgiving was great. We went to Dallas to see both sides of the family. Short trip but everyone was together that I haven't seen since early in my treatments. Looking forward to Christmas. The holidays just intensify how thankful I am for what I have. Good friends and the best family. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season.

Remission

Today, seven months almost to the day of being diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, I'm in remission! It just doesn't seem real. This whole ride has been quite amazing. Doc said my PET/CT scans show everything is back to normal. Including the egg size mass in my chest. Gone. Can you believe that?! I thought when I heard the "all clear" that I'd just emotionally collapse but I haven't. I've had to stay so strong through tests, treatments, and pain that I'm not sure how to deal with such wonderful news. How do you let go after everything that's happened? I mean, yes, I did tear up in the office, hugging Ric, feeling like we've just won a marathon but I really expected more out of myself. I can't help wonder if holding all of the emotions in during the most trying time of my life has now prevented me from releasing emotional energy. I had a hard time sleeping last night. Got up about 3am and blindly surfed the internet. I wasn't really looking for anything specific. As I was getting ready this morning, I didn't pay much attention to the colors I picked. It dawned on me later that I picked a purple shirt. Just so happens purple is the color for Hodgkins. Coincidence? Maybe. What might be a coincidence to some is a spiritual message to others. I had my normal chat with "The Man" asking for the strength to deal with whatever the test results revealed. One might have asked to hear "no more cancer" instead. There's a reason I've been lead down this path. If I was to ask to be cured before I set out on this journey, what lesson do you learn? Of course I wanted to be cured and definitely not deal with this whole situation but something told me I would have to work for this. I've learned a lot during this journey. Not only about myself but about others as well. I know this is just the beginning. Cancer was brought into my life to give me a jump start to something. Nothing like a kick in the ass to get your going huh! God works in mysterious ways. Needless to say, my life will never be the same. I just hope I don't let him down. My next checkup is Feb 09. Since both my scans came back "all clear" in June and last week, I won't have any further tests until next June/July. Monday I'll visit my surgeon to discuss removing the port. I'll be very happy to have that removed. I want to thank everyone, again, for your overwhelming support, care, and concern. I hope my blog has helped you deal with something in your life as much as it's helped me deal with Cancer. It's been an amazing experience and I couldn't have made it without each and every one of you.

Almost There

Tomorrow I go for my 3 month PET/CT scans. The results will be given Monday. To say I'm a little anxious is a huge understatement. The main thought in my head is the saying, If God brought it to you, he'll bring you through it. I definitely have all my eggs in that basket. I feel pretty good. Been tired lately. Had my first follow up with the Radiation doc last week. It went pretty good. He told me not to be surprised if my scans reveal a "false positive" which is due to just completing treatment. I'm really glad he told me that. I can't imagine the melt down I would have had to hear that as a test result with no prior warning. I was a little disappointed that could happen but at least I know. We also discussed how the docs tell what a "false positive" is, etc. Work is going well. I still have moments of idle time that I'm not use to. I also feel there's a bigger plan for me but I'm not sure what or where that will be. Things just aren't the same anymore. One thing I do notice is how beautiful each day is and how blessed I am to enjoy it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God. Both of my girls are trying out for basketball. This will be Shelby's first year and Paige's second. I'm really excited for both of them and can't wait to see both on the court playing. What a rush that will be. I tend to get a little excited when my kids play sports. Not much else going on right now. More news on Monday.

Happy Labor Day

Well, two weeks post radiation and two months post chemo. Amazing how time flies. I've been back at work for 1-1/2 weeks and I must say normal is taking a new meaning. I'm so use to going 100 mph that my now 5 mph is somewhat difficult to manage. Change is definitely in the works for me. As for the side effects to all of my treatments, I'm still dealing with some. Joint pain in the hips which causes my back to become sore quickly, usually after walking. Also experiencing some chest sensations that I think is from either acid reflux or heartburn, although it doesn't feel like the typical symptoms. I'll probably call the doc on this one. Started taking Claritin for itching which, along with lots of lotion, seems to be working. Other than that, things are going great. My hair and eyebrows are growing back quite nicely. Yeah! I've got several doc visits this month but just routine. The big day is 10/13. I'll find out the results of both a CT and PET scan, which will be 10/8. I expect good results. Hope everyone is doing well.

I Made It!

WOO HOOOO!!!! Just completed my last radiation treatment. What an unbelievable journey these last five months have been. I can't begin to put into words how I feel. As the zapping was done and they unbolted me from the table, I couldn't help but yell out WOOO HOOO!!!!!! They heard me all the way up front but I didn't care. What a ride. I've learned so much these last five months. It's amazing how such a dark experience can bring so much good to a person's life. The continuous support by family, friends, coworkers, and customers was a blessing. I never felt alone. There were many nights, lying in bed, that I would just silently cry. Being the wife of a Special Operations Soldier teaches you to be strong and resilient to almost anything, but this was a true test of will. I was adamant to beat this no matter how bad it got. At times I wasn't sure about this journey but I have to admit, my faith in God brought me through. I honestly believe attitude and mind set are two key factors to conquer anything. As I said back in March, I would dance with the devil. I did and I won. If you want to compete with me, you'd better bring your "A Game" 'cause I don't play. As my grandmother use to say "I ain't studding you." I've been told my blog has helped others. I'm very thankful for that. Having Cancer has allowed me some memorable experiences. I was able to spend the summer with my oldest daughter and a few weeks with my youngest. Times I will treasure dearly. The most difficult part of this journey was the day I had to tell my girls. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, as faith would have it, they're both home today, although sick, but with me on my last day of treatment. A blessing in disguise. And my husband.....a strong man who stood by me everyday angered he couldn't do anything about this. The one thing he did do was make me laugh. That too was a blessing. So as I continue to travel down this new path of mine, there will be changes. My priorities have definitely been rearranged. If there's one thing I've learned from this it's don't take anything for granted. As George Carlin once stated "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." So my message to all of you is simply this. No matter how bad your situation is, remember someone else is dealing with something much worse. It will be okay. One way or another. The next step for me is returning to work, which I plan to do Thursday. It will be a gradual return, taking one day at a time. I'm excited to get back to my life, knowing "normal" will have a new definition. My three month checkup is Oct 13th, which will deliver CT/PET scan results. This will show how all the treatments have fared with the cancer cells. I have all the faith in the world the results will be outstanding. Thank you to everyone for standing by me. Your prayers and support continue to amaze me. I'm very thankful for all of you.